


Those Empty Places

by Warp5Complex_Archivist



Category: Star Trek: Enterprise
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-03-14
Updated: 2006-03-14
Packaged: 2018-08-16 06:01:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,268
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8090248
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Warp5Complex_Archivist/pseuds/Warp5Complex_Archivist
Summary: Trip writes his friend a letter. (07/10/2003)





	

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Kylie Lee, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Warp 5 Complex](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Warp_5_Complex), the software of which ceased to be maintained and created a security hazard. To make future maintenance and archive growth easier, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in August 2016. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but I may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Warp 5 Complex collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/Warp5Complex).

  
Author's notes: I SO need a boyfriend. LOL. I got inspired this afternon and jotted this down. Enjoy and hopefully there will be a sequel if one is deserved :D  


* * *

Jonathan,

I have this friend. He doesn't know how much he means to me and well, I'd like to fix that if I can. Sometimes I just don't know how to tell him, you know? But I think he needs to know.

I've tried to tell him before, but it just never seemed to come out right. I wonder sometimes what's stopping me from doing this. Fear?

He doesn't know just how deep our friendship goes. Hell, sometimes I don't even know. But I'd like to find out. I wonder if he would too, given the chance. I'd take the risks for the chance of more. He means so much to me, you see.

Maybe I'm rushing into telling him. He was kind of upset today and that tends to bring out my want to tell him--my need to be there for him. See, he made a bad decision today that backfired on him and now he's feeling guilty and no doubt more alone. He always feels alone when he's upset. He thinks he can hide those feelings where no one can see, and usually he's right. Except when it comes to me that is. How can I tell him that he isn't alone, Jonathan? Would he believe me if I tried?

I have no doubt that my words would have some sort of effect on him, but he's always been so alone, especially since his father passed away. I just don't know if he's ready to let someone, me or someone else, into that empty space in his deep feeling heart. I wish he would.

I know him so well. If only he would trust me to love all those little things about him. I see when he's unsure about himself, when he's proud, when he's feeling wistful or sad. I love him through all those things, through the fear and joy and sorrow. Hell, I even love him when he's acting like a child and letting his emotions get the better of his judgment. I need for him to know that, not because I think it'll make him want me, but because he'll know that he's wanted. I know he feels badly about the mistakes he's made and maybe I can't change that, but I want him to know that he isn't alone.

So, Jonathan, what would you suggest?

-Trip

Trip Tucker sat there at his computer terminal, blue eyes reading over the letter he'd just written. Rolling his eyes at himself, he hit the send button and turned the screen off. Yawning and getting up from his chair, he glanced again at the terminal, wondering just what in the hell he'd done.

Smiling, he rubbed his cheeks tiredly and went into the bathroom to splash his face. Well, he'd gotten it off his chest now. That was the important thing. Running some water, he looked at his reflection, absently picturing his friend behind him. Shaking his head, Trip leaned down and cupped his hands under the water, drawing it to his face and rubbing.

Today had been a hard day--that was certain. Hard was in fact an understatement. They were explorers out here without hardly a clue as to what they were getting themselves into. They had the Vulcan's guidance, true, but Humans were more explorative and curious. Vulcan's just didn't care half the time what was out there unless it directly concerned them and the good of the quadrant. And so the Humans explored, blindly and recklessly maybe, but that wouldn't stop them from doing what they did--learn.

Frowning, Tucker looked at himself again. Today had put some things into perspective, which could explain his sudden decision to tell the person that meant the most to him exactly what those feelings were.

What would his friend do when he read that letter?

The planet had seemed innocent enough. The aliens that had greeted them with all too friendly smiles had seemed trustworthy. So naturally Jonathan Archer was eager to meet and greet these new friends. T'Pol had no help for what race these people came from, but that wasn't too terrible. At least not at the time it didn't seem terrible.

A small away team was assembled, consisting of Malcolm Reed, Travis Mayweather and a young ensign fresh from Starfleet, ready to explore. Ensign Terry Cordy was a newbie linguist, who would someday follow in the footsteps of Hoshi.

The Melosians welcomed them with open arms and treated them as if they'd known Humans for years. And when the away team boarded, for the first ten minutes everything seemed fine. Then the hail came, demanding the command codes of Enterprise's main computer. Of course Jonathan couldn't give those codes, even if it cost three lives.

They executed the ensign first, then injured Mayweather pretty badly and threatened to finish the job if the codes weren't given. Archer, despite the direness of the situation, was bound by duty to not hand over those codes. Even as Trip looked into his own eyes in the mirror, Phlox still didn't know if Mayweather would recover.

Tucker had saved Reed and Mayweather from certain death by breaking into their shields and using the dangerous transporter to get the away team back. Sighing, Trip grabbed a towel and wiped his face slowly, thinking back to when he'd reported to his friend. Archer had been standing when Trip entered the bridge, obviously on his way to see about the away team. Stopping him, Trip explained in detail his actions and after a moment Archer nodded, saying, "Good work," and swiftly departed to get to Sickbay.

Of course knowing that young officer was dead saddened Trip. The kid had potential and now it was just gone. But his mind kept flickering back to those green eyes and the sadness there. Jonathan blamed himself, Trip could see it right away. Hadn't listened to T'Pol, had let his excitement and trust put three of his crew in danger. And now Jonathan Archer blamed himself and another part of his trust would be gone.

Trip sighed and leaned against the wall, looking at himself. It could easily have been him today, lying in the coffin. He'd wanted to go over there to have a look at their systems and would have gone too, but duty on Enterprise held him back. He could have gone and died without saying everything he needed to.

That was one reason he'd written the letter. That and the look in Jonathan's eyes. So alone. It was something Trip had seen his friend carry since he'd known him. Trip pushed himself from the wall and left his bathroom, flopping down on the bed and staring up. Maybe Jonathan would never let him in, but Trip would damn well let him know that he had someone.

Fidgeting with his fingers, Trip closed his eyes, letting himself go down that road again. Jonathan wasn't the only one that needed someone. But Trip would never push his friend. His friendship meant too much to him for these other feelings to get in the way. Jonathan would at least understand that, if he couldn't ever feel the same way for Trip.

And so he waited, grateful that the day was over, that the death announcement had been made and today's duties were through. Trip needed to rest, both his body and his mind. Answers and sorrow would come later, after sleep.


End file.
